I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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