i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
