pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I didn't notice because vodka
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
