My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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