Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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