Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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