Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
