Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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