he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
