Got a toothbrush?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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