I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
