ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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