Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
