I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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