Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize