i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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