whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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