Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
