My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
