Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
