Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
