Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
