That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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