Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
