you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
