Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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