There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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