How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
