There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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