the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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