I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
