he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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