i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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