hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
