Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
