maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
