I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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