just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So many bounce houses so little time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize