I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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