Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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