how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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