so let's talk penis.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
