If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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