Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
