I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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