THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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