i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
