well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
