Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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