Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
