I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
