AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
