I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
