You were right. It hurts to walk today.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
