This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
