guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You made out with two different species that night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize