Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
