we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My life is pants optional.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
