and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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