Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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