Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
