my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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