I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
