The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry about my life...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
