i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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