official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize