Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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