God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
