we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize