i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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