I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
