Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
