the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
