Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
