If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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