I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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